i remembered what i promised before!

suddenly, i remembered something...

it was a video, someone recorded it. of me, speaking bout what i wanted to do in the future.

i totally forgot about it!

i shall find the video again. it left an imprint in myself...although i will never be able to fulfill that dream, i know somehow it works out the best for me now.

i am more happy now. thank you Allah for reminding me of the existence of it.

=)

now, how and where can i find the video again? its in my old phone i guess...

random.

ok, tonite i feel a bit out of place. angry, sad, n bruhaha wutever. dis is weird, cuz basically, nothing really made me angry! hum? mayb i didnt get the chance to eat mee bandung, so my stomach caused my brain to be upset? oh plus my face seems to b worse day after day. douchebaggggg!

so..to keep my sanity. i blog. (i am insane tonite i know)

first up, is high school friendssss. its been hella long time i havent go out wit them, wuts more wif taufik new-found friends. hum. miss those days where we'll just go out w/o thinking. but naah. we're grown ups. owh adian, where the hell is she nowadays? last time i heard her sistah is engaging, but she seemed not eager to break it to all of us. i knew it from fatin! and kamilah was shocked, to say the least. ah well, grown ups. how bout fatin and kamilah? they're in aussie..and they wont be back till november. haishhhh... dis is boring. every1 seems so occupied wit their lives rite now. as for me, im stuck at home doing nothing cuz basically... i dont have money to go anywhere! wehee~ oh plus miss flu and incik cough love me so much, they cant let me go! douchebag.

second up, is resulttssss. hurm, waiting is no fun indeed. it kills, to say the least. why results, instead of result? well...im waiting for more than one result. final exam result (of course), interview result . i calculated that exam result will be out between dis week or next week. am hopeful for this week, (the earlier the better cuz anticipation really kills), but dats just miracle thinking. realist thinking will be next week, earlier of the week. mayb wednesday.

third up, is foodssss. actually, grammar-wise, its food. but heck takpelaa. well, ive been eating nonstop. but i checked my weight, wallah! its 56.7kgs! wehee! love? yeas. mayb cuz im having flu or something, the food is used up to build new cells in my body. (actually, being sick reduces your lifespan. a slight changes in ur body temperature causes certain cells to die, so ur body have to produce new ones. and as u get older, the production of new cells deteroriate. so the more u get sick, the more times ur body produce new cells, the shorter ur life span. i read sumwhere bout it).

fourth up, is sleep. hum dis is kinda funneh. during exam week, my eyes cant stay longer after 3am. but now...both eyes can stay up to 7am then sleep. hehe. not good indeed.

nuff said.

trying to get used to this new template.

i still feel black template fits me, but then again, i got head cramped and eyes blurred whenever i finished reading my own post. so better than! to get a new template, which doesnt require u to scrutinize ur eyes like the size of snake's eyes or something.

tehehe. (kinda ayu plak dis template).

friday, evening.

sometimes i wish u would understand that, as a human, i make mistakes. but it seems you cant. instead i got greeted by ignorance; it made me sick.

i tolerated, and tried being nice, but to no avail. picking on something that isnt supposed to be picked just ticked me off. and it blew. yes, i felt bad, but at the same time, i felt that somehow, you deserved it. i know i shouldnt be saying or even thinking about it, but i cant help my small human mind. i hope you will open your eyes, because i am SICK of it. stand by me, rather than turning your back on me.

please make it easier.

post tiada kaitan. nuff said.

finale....and the waiting begins.

current mood : nostalgic, but happy
current song : miley cyrus (deary rummate playing it rite now)

ya Allah... finally. i am done. thank you Allah. i managed through the ups and downs of years in mmu. i will definitely remember d downs, since im such a pessimistic person, but now...i think i would like to reflect on the ups. be happy shafiq! rather than thinking bout sadness. hahaha.

my last paper, japanese for business communication 2, was tough. seriously. i was practically focused on the paper w/o looking at other people. fuhhh. and when the head of invigilator said "time's up", i was practically checking my answer of mcqs. and i made a mistake; i was such in a hurry, i failed to pay attention bout tying the answer sheet. mmg SHIT kan? such a simple task to not focus on! i was, and still is, worry whether i tied the paper tightly or not. a lot of thoughts came through my mind, but then, it had happened. wut i can do rite now is to PRAY, bertawakal, and ask for Allah's sooth and guidance.

"ya Allah, ak tahu ak mmg cepat lalai. suka buat benda bukan2, suka fikir terlalu dalam, suka susahkan mak ayah, terlalu banyak meminta dari memberi, suka fikir negatif dari positif, tetapi, permudahkanlah ak untuk grad, permudahkanlah jalanku, makbulkanlah doaku supaya ak dapat grad pada masanya; 31 julai 2010. bukan sahaja utk diriku, utk mak dan ayah yg byk berkorban, utk islam yg sebenar. peliharalah diriku dari azabmu, kesusahanmu, dan limpahilah rezekimu dan rahmatmu kepadaku, keluargaku, rakan2ku, dunia dan akhirat. amin"

thanks to my friends; ellany amir, add athirah, dody zulkifli, d dyana. the four of you seriously changed my life, giving me insights i never thoughts of before. mayb u will feel its insignificant actions, but i feel its big enough. thank you very much. =)

and now, the waiting begins. the waiting for the very final result. Ya Allah, permudahkanlah segalanya. lancarkanlah segalanya, supaya ak dapat grad 31 july 2010. amin.

lost opportunity

i dont get it really.

i lost four opportunities to go for an interview due to my status of sponsored students.

even companies under my sponsor don't want to take the chance of hiring me as their employee!

im not asking for too much, i just want to know whether my sponsor will hire me or not. that's all. waiting for 3 months definitely doesnt seem short, what's more when u're practically not making money.

n dis morning, again, i lost the opportunity.

"tue yg susah tue dik. kami penah amik sponsored students, last2 kami kena lepaskan eventho kami anak syarikat XXXX"

"camnilah, adik tanya XXXX, samada boleh tak kerja dgn kami anak syarikat. kalau adik masih interested, call lahkami balik"

adei. this is indeed demotivating. bt what can i do? my dad said just wait for my result to come out then if i want to let all hell break loose, then be it. but then again, i felt i lost some opportunities. but then again, i cant be too angry, cuz im enjoying free education, plus allowance to boot! dilemma.